Solitude has always been my thing, I work best when I am alone, I create better in an empty dark space. I tune out even when alone hence why I like dark places, it helps elevate my spirit to a point where I don’t feel contained and then my creative juices start to trickle forth till it gushes out in torrents or streams.
I have nothing against people and being in a noisy or loud environment, I do spend a good amount of time in the presence of like minded people who understand the kind of person I am but not for too long. After a while I retreat into my own zone, my place of comfort to kind of recharge for my next voyage into the world of meeting and interacting with people.
If you want to know how I will define or design a space I can call mine, it would have everything I require to exist alone. A pen, a pad for scribbling, my phone which tends to be the biggest noise yet, but I am trying to reduce the distractions available via the internet (the internet is a necessary tool but can get deafening if unchecked), music (by this I mean noise canceling headphones) – I will do a different post for the kind of music that inspires me. A dark room is a must have, food off course to fuel the body, thinking does take a lot from the body. I like to have the world far from me yet have it easily at my disposal.
It is how I have always been, it has been difficult sharing my space with anyone. I seem to protect that more than anything else because as fun as human relation is, I only tend to take vacations from myself to include other people and I am always wary of the footprint they leave behind in my space. I have been blessed with friends who understand this, and I am very grateful because I know I can’t exist alone in the world no matter how hard I try to. I avoid people who aren’t conscious of the impact their actions have on other people, some people can be like a bull in a china shop when it comes to how they treat people. These kinds of people who would honk especially when they see a do not disturb sign are definitely not for me. I cut them off immediately
I have embraced this aspect of me and do try to include people from time to time and can sometimes come across as very friendly, jovial and the life of the party, but it does take a lot from me to pull this off. I am not leading a double life or have a personality disorder, as much as I am a loner I can also be a people person because I listen, empathize, and create comfort for people a lot. Sometimes to the detriment of staying true to myself but I have chosen to create a balance and always put myself and what I need first so please don’t get offended if you are a part of the ‘noise’ I am about to shut out because I need to reflect and recharge. Like they say you can’t pour from an empty cup, so to be selfless I must be selfish. Cliche, right?
I hope I am not the only one that has these traits, sometimes I feel abnormal other times I don’t give a f***. I just do me and let other people think what they want after all I can’t control their reaction to me regardless of what I do. Please leave a comment if this describes you or a piece of you so I know someone out there relates and understands the burden or blessings solitude brings.