I am going to be brutally honest with you. I sat across you on that sunny afternoon listening to you talk about him and your current situation and it was the most painful thing I’ve ever had to watch because you certainly deserve better. You were hurting and there was nothing I could do, I hated that feeling.
I always felt I could put a smile on your face no matter how bad you were feeling, that was one of the things I was good at. When you had a bad day, you would run straight to me and I would be myself all through but you wouldn’t stop laughing and giggling like a little girl. Moments like this I always treasured.
So, to have you sit across me and tell me how sad and bitter he had made you feel and all I could do was listen. All through the time you spoke, all I was focused on was the hurt in your eyes, how dejected you had become. You were resigned to your fate and it was tearing you up from within. You needed an outlet, an escape, I used to be that outlet but today all I could do was watch and listen to you pour your heart and soul out. Something that wasn’t very common with you.
You would tell me about your horrible day at work or the difficulty you had coming back home in this crazy town and I would make jokes just to make you feel better. Yet I would always have to probe further just for you to tell me something really personal that was on your mind and now that you came to me with your biggest challenge, I wasn’t ready or I was clueless as to what to say to you.
Days went by, weeks even and I still had not recovered from watching you look so gloom, so defeated, all because of him. I would apologize that I did not check in to see how you were faring because I had handled this encounter differently and I couldn’t bear to see you this torn, but for you to question my friendship that really hurt me.
I have been here for you for every single step of the way since we have known each other, even when you know how difficult it was for me to do just that. Or do you think it is easy watching the one you love, be with someone else? Your happiness was all that mattered and I decided that if you were happy, I would be okay with that.
Now you are not even letting me explain or talk to you, you feel that cutting me off is the solution to make yourself feel better. Is it because this time around I didn’t sympathize with you as you hoped? I did not cheer you up since that will only be a temporary solution to what you are going through.
Did I really hurt you that much or are you just deflecting? I don’t think it’s fair for you to treat me like the enemy. Anyway, I guess you need time to yourself. You need time to sort through your issues and I suggest you face it head on and stop hiding behind whatever you call “this thing” we have. I won’t have it this time around, I want you to know that I would continuously be praying for your marriage and I hope you can sort it all out soonest.
You know I will always be here.